i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
