i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
