There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
