I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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