Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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