There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
