Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
