sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
