maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You pole danced in your parka.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
