Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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