Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
