I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
