I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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