What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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