you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
