Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
