dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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