Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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