nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
