please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
