I think i peed on brittanys purse
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
