As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
