The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
