If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
