someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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