My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
