You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
