No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
