The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
