I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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