i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
