I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
