i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
