Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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