When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
