I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
