I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
