You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
