Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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