Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
