I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
