I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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