I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
