can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
