the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
