she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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