Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
