Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
