Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
