I faked an abortion last night.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
