I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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