He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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